In case you don’t catch up with Drag Race, Sasha Colby is the current reigning winner. She has tremendous presence. Even in the early days of the show, people were clamoring for Sasha to enter, though she was disqualified from entry for most of the life of the show.
Until recent seasons, trans people were not allowed to compete Drag Race, including trans men but particularly trans women. Ru said in an early interview about a decade ago that he thought it was like allowing "performance enhancing drugs". Ugh. This barrier has been shattered after years of fans organizing, pushing RuPaul on the topic, and contestants such as Kylie Sonique Love and Gottmik competing on recent seasons as fully transitioned trans people.
Though of course, trans people have always been on Drag Race. Of the trans people who did appear in earlier seasons, they competed while they were still seeds, or came out during the show as their personal story, like Monica Beverly Hills did. Drag and transness is inseparable. It's laughable it took so long to move RuPaul on the topic, and I cynically truly believe it's only because the profit margins and Emmy-potential were too high to keep saying "no" to trans people.
This is context for why I felt nothing but rage when Michelle Visage, a judge on the show, asked Sasha, “Where have you been? Why now?” during their after-show interview. Because of you, Michelle. And your transphobic ass best friend. You wouldn’t have cast her! That’s why. The gall? Sasha smiled sweetly and without missing a beat, replied, “I knew it was like catching a wave — I was like waiting for this wave to come. And I knew which one was my wave and which ones wasn’t - and I let the other girls take their waves but this is… my wave.“
I gasped. Sasha really had the integrity and grace of a pageant queen and winner. All the patience, poise and charm I wish I carried with me. A week after that interview, Sasha was crowned as the winner, live. She really deserved it.
I’ve been taking pieces of that quote here and there and considering it through. When is it my wave? How can I tell? I came to the simple conclusion that I simply do not trust myself. In other words, my intuition is non-functional. How can I trust myself? Often, my mind feels so clouded. I feel I have to constantly sweep and sweep my mental chambers, or kneel down to dig in the dirt searching for hidden meaning. I know how to say no, which is a tool that I have forged through years of hardship. But I don’t know when to say yes. I don’t know when to ride the wave. I can’t tell them apart. I simply wish one day to have her sense of clarity and purpose. When is yes? When does one make a big leap in life? When is carpe diem?
A couple years ago, talking with Al really gave me the push to start pursuing art more seriously and taking classes. I feel pretty similarly nowadays, but when it comes to hospitality, food and cooking. For the past year or so, I'd been organizing and cooking for dinner parties and in that practice, have gained a lot of experience on hosting and tasting. I just would like to explore what it would mean to make the full job, you know? Hai and I were working on a few test bites for an upcoming food zine. Here's an excerpt - we made Vietnamese crystal dumplings, or banh bot loc. They were steamed in banana leaves and we also made the dipping sauce and scallion oil as a finisher.
Anyway, my birthday is coming up. I’m turning 28, which I’m feeling more excited for every day. I decided that I’d like to have some sort of dinner, but more importantly, I have an ask for all of you (my dear friends) out there. I’d like you to interview me! In a very Leo-like fashion, I’d like to organize a limited series podcast for my birthday, where each episode, my friends take turn interviewing me. The conditions and purview of the interview are up to you. I’ll simply answer as honestly as I can.
If this sounds like something you’d like to engage with, please sign up using this link. Let’s talk!
Warmly,
Jean